I Hate this Cup

I Hate this Cup
Charlotte Norman

I hope the Norman household isn't the only house where there is a closet that seems to be the recipient of everyone’s junk. You know the stuff you keep because you might one day need it, even though you haven’t needed it for years. Recently, I was cleaning said closet to try and bring some sort of order to this tucked away real estate of the house.

After sifting through leather coats from the 90’s, a collection of half burned candles (one never knows when the electric is going to go out), and a hodgepodge of decorations, wrapping paper, and a large gift bag full of other gift bags, I picked up a small, clear plastic cup. I had been tossing everything my hands touched into the garbage when this seemingly insignificant item stopped me in my tracks. I paused, grabbed the cup and with authority threw it in the garbage can with a final declaration of  “I hate this cup!” At that moment tears began to flow and I was done cleaning the closet.

Every feeling of helplessness, loneliness, fear, inadequacy and hatred rushed to the surface and demanded to be dealt with.  You see it wasn’t really about the cup, but what the cup reminded me of. It reminded me I  no longer had my mom, my dad, my brothers, my family. They were mine and now they are gone and here I am left to clean out the stupid closet, living life with a smile that seemed to send the message I was ok with it all.

Truth was, I wasn’t ok with any of it. This was not how my life was supposed to be. Not how I imagined future Christmases, Thanksgivings, celebrations or just an ordinary day. It’s not supposed to be like this! I was forced to live a life that looked totally different from how I thought it would be.

Jesus also faced a cup. Of course He faced His cup and didn’t just throw it away insisting he hated it.  But instead he replied “Thy will be done”.  The truth of what He knew, the love and faithfulness of the Father, the perfect will and plan, the tremendous love for humanity, and the security of being the Son would see Him through.

It’s because of His cup, I can face mine.  Jesus’  willingness to face His cup is my source of hope, strength, peace and finally joy. It’s been a very long journey to joy. Nothing about life has changed except for me.  I know and have experienced Christ in a way I’m not sure I could have if not for the cup. The cup led me to a place of total dependance on Him and He has proven to be faithful to meet me every…single…time. Meet me in my anger, my disappointment, heart ache, and everything in between.  He is El Emunah - My very Faithful God!

Today maybe you face your own cup and you hate yours too. I pray your faith is encouraged to trust in the nail pierced hands that have never left you. They hold your scared, broken, tired hands and will lead you through the life ahead.  

“ To declare Your lovingkindness in the morning, and Your faithfulness every night!” - Psalm 92:2

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Charlotte Norman

1 Comment

Gena Young - April 26th, 2024 at 2:17pm

Thank you for this. I am going through a lot of these emotions right now because of loss and I appreciate you sharing your experience and making yourself venerable to help others. I am having a hard time finding that cup but I am trying.